Philosophy from "Hitch"

So I was watching the movie "Hitch" this afternoon.

If you haven't seen the movie before, Will Smith plays a character named Alex Hitchens, nicknamed "Hitch." This is both a connection to his last name as well as a connection to what he does for a living. Hitch works as a personal consultant whose goal is to help men have success in building a relationship with a woman they've interested in.

Anyway...I really appreciated the movie because I feel like it brought up an important point about the way we related to each other:

• Women are SO careful about being open with men, particularly those they don't know well. Primarily because there are scumbag men out there who will take advantage of vulnerability in an effort to "get some" and then move on to the next conquest.
• Men who AREN'T scumbags forever have to play the guessing game to figure out what women really want because they're not open about how they really feel. Of course, this leads to a lack of confidence in the non-scumbag men in many cases.

And what has happened as a result of all of this? Focusing on superficiality, because we end up playing all these stupid games. The sad part is that none of it is malicious for the large majority of people. We're just trying to avoid getting hurt. Nobody likes being hurt.

Thing is...this is probably the reason behind most of the divorces that occur and most of the broken relationships. In our quest to avoid emotional pain, we fail to be completely open and honest. As a result, we CAUSE emotional pain to ourselves AND those we believe we care about.

Imagine how much easier life would be if we were all honest in a positive way. I don't mean walking up to a colleague and saying, "Why are you wearing that hideous shirt?" But what's worse is NOT saying that, but then gossiping about that same shirt to other people behind that person's back. And what's the point of that anyway? I mean, if you don't have something constructive to say (mind you, constructive doesn't always mean being complimentary), then don't say anything at all. If you're not willing to spend the time and effort to help that fashion-deprived colleague, then don't say anything at all. To ANYONE.

Now, I won't sit here and pretend that I don't fail in this regard myself. Trust me...I fall short on a daily basis. But I genuinely believe this: honesty truly is the best policy. If you combine honesty with the Golden Rule (and let's face it: who other than the exceedingly selfish doesn't believe in that particular maxim?), then it works.

In the end, to be happy? Be honest. Be yourself.

The more things change...

...the more they stay the same.

Just got home a little while ago from a night hanging out with old grade school classmates. A great time was had by all (at least, I hope so!). It's always nice to see people that you've been separated from by time and distance. I mean, back in the 80s, there were the people that were the most important to me other than my family.

For those of you who don't know, I attended a very small Catholic K-8 grade school in Toledo. As a result, I was in the same class with a group of roughly 20-25 kids for eight years. Add to that participating in sports sponsored by the school and you're talking about 8 or 9 hours a day of spending time with this same group of people.

And then it ends. Rather abruptly for some of us. I went on to high school and saw very little of my old grade school friends. Met some new people. Found new activities to do outside of school. It's life, right?

And then Facebook came into being and started allowing people who didn't have emails with college domains to create pages. All of a sudden, I'm in contact with men and women who I haven't seen or heard from in 20 years. Thank God for technology, eh?

But what I found rather striking tonight is that some things really never change. Those of you who have known me since childhood likely know that I was an exceptional student in grade school. So much so that my parents had me tested and I skipped first grade. And for the rest of my grade school experience, in addition to whatever else I became known for, I was ALWAYS known as "the smart kid." In a school of 200 kids, EVERYONE knows the little twerp who skipped first grade, you know?

Flash forward 20+ years later. I'm still "the smart one." And for reasons I don't quite fully understand myself...it bothers me. Because I don't always feel that smart. Having gone off to the University of Michigan out of high school, I found a whole community of people who seemed more intelligent that I. I don't deny having an innate intelligence. But I've met people in my life who make me feel like an intellectual dwarf.

There's a part of me that wishes that I could be described using a positive OTHER than my intelligence. This is something I've struggled with for years. And here's the weird thing...why? What is wrong with people appreciating the talents I was born with? Why does it bother me, even just a little?

I'm home...

...and EXHAUSTED. But it's a good kind of tired.

On the last leg of my drive from Dublin to Dundee, I was thinking about how good this summer has been for me. Mainly because this is the summer when I stopped making excuses and just DID stuff.

I mean, I've been talking and thinking about starting an exercise program. And this year, I finally did it. I've been talking and thinking about driving out west and seeing places I've never seen before. Finally got up the nerve to just do it. And that experience is remarkably empowering. I've fulfilled some true dreams of mine and had the reward of fantastic experiences.

It just makes me realize how much I hold myself back in life. And I think that's true of most people. We all come up with all sorts of very reasonable explanations for why we can't or shouldn't do the things we'd really like to. Sometimes, though...you just have to go for it.