The evil that is the spread offense

Mind you, I'm not a sports fanatic. However, having attended the University of Michigan and being a former member of the marching band of that august institution, I spend every Saturday afternoon in the fall watching the Wolverines.

Suffice it to say, I have never been more embarrassed in my life to be associated with the Michigan football program than I am today. Growing up in Toledo, I am well acquainted with the Rockets. And while they've experienced some reasonable success in the past, this year's version of UT's football team is one of the worst they've had in recent years. And they beat Michigan. Well, to be more accurate, they won the game.

Michigan beat themselves.

And, trust me, I don't say this lightly. I have always despised people like Venus Williams who claim that their opponent didn't beat them, that they beat themselves. But this time, it's entirely accurate. And there is one person and one scheme to blame: Rich Rodriguez and his beloved spread offense.

First, let's start with why I hate Rich Rodriguez and why I saw this coming months ago. Rodriguez is a classless slimeball. You could see that through the way that he came to Michigan. He left WVU high and dry with years remaining on his contract. Plus, the way that he behaves during his various contacts with the sports media has convinced me that he is the classic blameshifter. When the team loses, it's always the players' fault. His coaching is always flawless.

Which leads me to his coaching. Piss poor would describe it best. Rodriguez's coaching is the primary reason Michigan lost today. Several penalties that erased big gains on offense. Penalties are the result of a lack of mental focus. And mental focus is entirely the responsibility of the head coach. Turnovers. Again...mental focus. Playcalling. Again, the responsibility of the head coach. On one possession, our genius coach called for two screen passes and a QB draw. However, Toledo wasn't blitzing. They hadn't been blitzing all day. The only time that screen passes and draw plays work is in response to....BLITZING.

But the biggest idiocy of all? The spread offense. It doesn't work unless you have a specific type of player. And Michigan doesn't have them. Why? Because the spread offense is a trendy and lame version of football that no football fan worth his hemorrhoids would ever enjoy. It relies entirely on your fourth string WR being more talented than your opponent's fourth string CB. It spits in the face of true football. Football is supposed to be about imposing your will on your opponent. Lining up your eleven guys against those of your opponent. And even though they know what you're going to do, you go ahead and do it anyway, cramming the ball right down their throat. The spread offense relies entirely on trickery. And while the occasional trick play is fine, it should NEVER be the basis of your offensive gameplan.