Musings

So, many of you who know me know I've been on a roadtrip through much of the northern central part of this country. And, as a result, I've had some interesting experiences as well as some thoughts that have occurred to me.

• I failed to get a picture of this because I just wasn't ready for it, but I can describe it. My sister and I were at Mount Rushmore and we overheard a group of women (who appeared to be from one family) talking. One of them says, "I'm so embarrassed for him." To which a younger one (probably her daughter) replies, "Hey! He's doing it for a whole buck." Suffice it to say that this exchange piqued my interest, so I'm looking around to see somebody doing something stupid. Next thing I know, I hear "Mary had a little lamb" being sung at very high volume and decidedly off-key. The girl had dared her little brother to go over to a short wall in front of the monument and do this. There were easily 200+ people around, just giggling at how brash he was. REALLY funny.
• I'm so glad I've gone on this trip. I've often said over the years that I'd like the chance to go to the UP or out west to places where there's just so much open country, relatively untouched by humans. And I was right: I really have enjoyed that chance. Seeing such wide expanses of rolling grassy hills in South Dakota was so AMAZING for someone who grew up in a city and has always lived within an hour of that city. It's an entirely new experience for me and it really makes me want to visit Ireland. My sister and mom went several years ago and my sister has assured me during this trip that, while the landscapes in South Dakota HAVE been very interesting, they're nothing compared to Ireland in the summer. And, for the first time, I really have a true yearning to see it.
• I'm becoming much more adventureous in life. And I really like it. For years, I've allowed my weight to be an excuse for not getting out there and experiencing things. It's part of the reason I didn't really even try to get tickets to Super Bowl XL, despite the fact that 1) it was held in Detroit, not more than an hour away from home and 2) my favorite team was playing in it (and ended up winning it). I just assumed that I would be too uncomfortable in the seat and didn't even really consider it. And that's a mistake. I missed out on a once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience. That's why I'm really happy I found the motivation to be serious about losing weight: there's so much I've been missing.
  

Update

So, now that I've gotten the prerequisite musing on blogging out of the way, here are some things that have gone on since last I wrote here:

• The most important item: my mother finally passed on December 6, 2008 after a 2 1/2 year battle with cancer. By the time her life ended, my mother was ready to go. And, as a result, I too was hoping for it to end for her. All of us who loved her wished for her pain to end, and it did...peacefully. I was there with her when she went, along with my dad and one of the absolutely wonderful hospice workers that tended to her in her final days. It's been a rough several months in terms of coping with my own grief as well as supporting my dad, sister, and other relatives through their own sorrows. But, the experience reminds me of the true value of family. My aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. are phenomenal and have been a true source of strength for me (as well as my dad and sister, I'm certain) over this period of time.
• I've finally gotten truly serious about making efforts to lose weight. This goes in line with what I wrote in the previous entry about recognizing the need for change as well as developing the desire for it. I've always known I had a desperate need to lose weight. No fat person DOESN'T know this. However, it has always been a true challenge for me to truly desire it. To desire it enough to fight through the pains involved in the process. I can't point to any one thing that occurred in my life that finally got me there. But I AM there. This summer, I got a membership at the local YMCA and, despite a few roadblocks, finally got myself into a workout routine over the last week or so. And I'm really enjoying it so far. I've been a bit sore, using muscles in ways that I haven't used them in some time. And I've wanted to take a nap at least a couple times this week. But it's a GOOD thing. It means I'm using more energy than I was before. Using more energy means keeping less of it on my frame. My intention is to be able to do some aerobic exercise in the pool at the Y before work once the school year begins and then to hopefully get some help in learning how to do some muscle building.
  
• Tomorrow I'm leaving on a week-long road trip. It was an idea that just kind of hit me in May or June and I've just decided to do it. I've got the time and I don't have anything to tie me down (being single and childless can be nice SOMETIMES). So off I go tomorrow to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I'm planning on stopping in Escanaba for the night. Then over to Minneapolis to spend a couple days and pick up my sister who will be joining me for the rest of the trip. We'll then head out to western South Dakota to see Mount Rushmore and then back east to St. Louis by way of Omaha and Kansas City. From St. Louis, we head for the Columbus area to see old friends and some family and to attend the annual Dublin Irish Festival. From there I return home to prepare for...
• ...a colonoscopy. FUN. I've been trying to get this down for a year and a half now. Last year I just couldn't stomach the prep and wasn't able to get it done. Then with Mom's illness, I didn't want to take the time off to do it. This summer, prompted by a visit to the doctor where I discovered that I'm a bit anemic, I got a colonoscopy scheduled to try to help determine the cause of the anemia. Suffice it to say that I'm a bit nervous about the results, but it's a good thing. With Mom's colon cancer, colonoscopies are going to be a part of my life for as long as I live.
• Sometimes in mid to late August, I'm hoping to join my cousin who drives a truck for a living. He's offered to take me as a passenger and I'm looking forward to seeing some of the country that he drives through. He's provided some fantastic images through Facebook of the places he's seen and they're amazing.
  

Realities I can't escape...

I am truly an optimist. I believe that human beings are capable of many many things. Foremost among these things is the ability to learn, particularly from one's mistakes.

That said, I've come to the realization that I never have had, do not now possess, nor am I ever likely to develop a personality that will create in me a true blogger.

During my lifetime, I have made many attempts at written reflection. I've begun handwritten diaries. I've begun Microsoft Word documents that also acted as diaries. I've begun this blog.

In all cases, I made an honest effort to pour my thoughts out into textual form. The idea being to have something I can reflect on in later moments and possibly be able to grow from said reflection.

However, in every case, my enthusiasm for the task wanes fairly quickly. I don't know if it's a result of growing bored with the idea or if I just don't feel as though I have thoughts worthy of chronicling that day.

Now, as I mentioned earlier, I believe fervently in the human capacity for learning and changing. But I've also realized over the years that change only occurs after two things happen: recognition of the need for change and development of the desire for that same change.

So, I re-begin my blogging in the hopes that I will persist.