I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching the HBO show "Entourage." For those of you who have never seen it, the show basically follows the adventures of a young hot actor in Hollywood named Vincent Chase and his "entourage," made up of two childhood friends and his older brother, a D-list actor. I find the show entertaining because I enjoy the interaction between the main characters. That said, an episode I watched this past weekend provoked some thought.
The plot of said episode centered around a bet made between Vince and his brother Johnny. The brothers bet $5000 about which of the other two members of their group (Eric and Turtle) will succeed in having "unemotional" sex by the end of the day. Vince backs Eric and Johnny is in Turtle's corner. The bet came about as the result of a discussion about how Eric isn't a "real man" because he wasn't interested in a waitress that had been giving him a look of interest. Eric says he doesn't care if she's into him because he doesn't date waitresses because their schedules are a nightmare to deal with (I can definitely understand that...I've known people who work in the food service industry and their schedules really DO suck). Turtle and Johnny go on to really razz Eric because he's looking for a relationship instead of empty sex, Johnny going so far as to call Eric "a pussy" because he has a "nesting tendency." The guys just don't value relationships in any way outside of the physical nature and would never allow themselves to be tied down to one woman.
Now, admittedly, this show is talking about today's Hollywood. And God knows, people in Hollywood tend to live very much in the moment, which is why you see actors who made millions ten years ago being broke today.
At the same time...is this attitude commonplace? I'll admit to a certain level of naivete in this regard. Those of you who know me know that I'm a large man for whom casual sex (particularly with strangers) wouldn't really be an option. I'm not the kind of guy some random woman would just agree to have sex with. But I would never want that in the first place. Forget all the dangers involved with having sex with someone you don't really even know (STDs, etc.). It's exactly what I referred to it as earlier in this post: empty. Sure...you have a brief period of fun. But it's over. And, without the emotional depth that comes from a relationship, what's the point? It strikes me as not being too different from partaking of drugs. You get your momentary high and then you come back down.
I guess I just hope that my reaction isn't overly unusual. I suspect, unfortunately, that a fairly large number of people would view me as "old-fashioned" or even "out of date" in my views. Well, so be it. I spend my life in pursuits that I find meaningful rather than in search of "fun" or just "feeling good." For the developed intellect, fun can be found in so many forms. And behaving in the way that the Entourage crew does...it's so destructive. To oneself as well as to the people you're around.
Eric said it best in the episode when Johnny was giving him crap, "I'm looking for a relationship so I don't end up like YOU, Johnny. Alone in my old age." Unfortunately, due to events in the episode, Eric abandons his viewpoint and ends up having sex with a girl he met that day. Kind of sad, in the whole scheme of things.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Reflection
Have you ever had the experience of being recorded and then hearing your voice played back to you? Every time it happens to me, I'm always surprised by how my voice sounds. The inflections are the same...the pronunciations are the same. But the tone...the timbre. It's always different from the way it sounds in my own head.
The same thing happens with photographs. The way I like in pictures always looks different from the way I look in the mirror.
My musings above were prompted by a Facebook status update of a friend of mine...she wondered if we ever TRULY know other people. And I've come to the conclusion that we really don't.
Because, in the end, we don't really know ourselves. I'm absolutely fascinated by the differences in perception between people. I know how I see myself. I know my own quirks and tendencies. But, at the same time, I have absolutely no idea how those same mannerisms and habits come across to other people.
It's something that I'm always intrigued by. It's part of the reason I fill out the goofy quizzes on Facebook that supposedly give you information about yourself. Admittedly, part of the curiosity comes from a natural self-centeredness that I believe we all feel to varying degrees. But I think the primary source of interest is just the thirst for more knowledge. I want to understand how other people view the world.
If we all observed the same occurrence (a car accident, for example), we'd each have a different story to tell. I mean, there would be some things that would remain relatively constant. However, the smaller details...they vary so widely in instances like that. That difference...that tendency we all have to focus on one thing or another...it's just one of those foibles of the human condition that astounds me. How is it that 20 people can have the same collection of data (car hits another car) and still come up with such variance in the remembering of the occurrence?
The same thing happens with photographs. The way I like in pictures always looks different from the way I look in the mirror.
My musings above were prompted by a Facebook status update of a friend of mine...she wondered if we ever TRULY know other people. And I've come to the conclusion that we really don't.
Because, in the end, we don't really know ourselves. I'm absolutely fascinated by the differences in perception between people. I know how I see myself. I know my own quirks and tendencies. But, at the same time, I have absolutely no idea how those same mannerisms and habits come across to other people.
It's something that I'm always intrigued by. It's part of the reason I fill out the goofy quizzes on Facebook that supposedly give you information about yourself. Admittedly, part of the curiosity comes from a natural self-centeredness that I believe we all feel to varying degrees. But I think the primary source of interest is just the thirst for more knowledge. I want to understand how other people view the world.
If we all observed the same occurrence (a car accident, for example), we'd each have a different story to tell. I mean, there would be some things that would remain relatively constant. However, the smaller details...they vary so widely in instances like that. That difference...that tendency we all have to focus on one thing or another...it's just one of those foibles of the human condition that astounds me. How is it that 20 people can have the same collection of data (car hits another car) and still come up with such variance in the remembering of the occurrence?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Philosophy from "Hitch"
So I was watching the movie "Hitch" this afternoon.
If you haven't seen the movie before, Will Smith plays a character named Alex Hitchens, nicknamed "Hitch." This is both a connection to his last name as well as a connection to what he does for a living. Hitch works as a personal consultant whose goal is to help men have success in building a relationship with a woman they've interested in.
Anyway...I really appreciated the movie because I feel like it brought up an important point about the way we related to each other:
Thing is...this is probably the reason behind most of the divorces that occur and most of the broken relationships. In our quest to avoid emotional pain, we fail to be completely open and honest. As a result, we CAUSE emotional pain to ourselves AND those we believe we care about.
Imagine how much easier life would be if we were all honest in a positive way. I don't mean walking up to a colleague and saying, "Why are you wearing that hideous shirt?" But what's worse is NOT saying that, but then gossiping about that same shirt to other people behind that person's back. And what's the point of that anyway? I mean, if you don't have something constructive to say (mind you, constructive doesn't always mean being complimentary), then don't say anything at all. If you're not willing to spend the time and effort to help that fashion-deprived colleague, then don't say anything at all. To ANYONE.
Now, I won't sit here and pretend that I don't fail in this regard myself. Trust me...I fall short on a daily basis. But I genuinely believe this: honesty truly is the best policy. If you combine honesty with the Golden Rule (and let's face it: who other than the exceedingly selfish doesn't believe in that particular maxim?), then it works.
In the end, to be happy? Be honest. Be yourself.
If you haven't seen the movie before, Will Smith plays a character named Alex Hitchens, nicknamed "Hitch." This is both a connection to his last name as well as a connection to what he does for a living. Hitch works as a personal consultant whose goal is to help men have success in building a relationship with a woman they've interested in.
Anyway...I really appreciated the movie because I feel like it brought up an important point about the way we related to each other:
- Women are SO careful about being open with men, particularly those they don't know well. Primarily because there are scumbag men out there who will take advantage of vulnerability in an effort to "get some" and then move on to the next conquest.
- Men who AREN'T scumbags forever have to play the guessing game to figure out what women really want because they're not open about how they really feel. Of course, this leads to a lack of confidence in the non-scumbag men in many cases.
Thing is...this is probably the reason behind most of the divorces that occur and most of the broken relationships. In our quest to avoid emotional pain, we fail to be completely open and honest. As a result, we CAUSE emotional pain to ourselves AND those we believe we care about.
Imagine how much easier life would be if we were all honest in a positive way. I don't mean walking up to a colleague and saying, "Why are you wearing that hideous shirt?" But what's worse is NOT saying that, but then gossiping about that same shirt to other people behind that person's back. And what's the point of that anyway? I mean, if you don't have something constructive to say (mind you, constructive doesn't always mean being complimentary), then don't say anything at all. If you're not willing to spend the time and effort to help that fashion-deprived colleague, then don't say anything at all. To ANYONE.
Now, I won't sit here and pretend that I don't fail in this regard myself. Trust me...I fall short on a daily basis. But I genuinely believe this: honesty truly is the best policy. If you combine honesty with the Golden Rule (and let's face it: who other than the exceedingly selfish doesn't believe in that particular maxim?), then it works.
In the end, to be happy? Be honest. Be yourself.
Friday, August 28, 2009
The more things change...
...the more they stay the same.
Just got home a little while ago from a night hanging out with old grade school classmates. A great time was had by all (at least, I hope so!). It's always nice to see people that you've been separated from by time and distance. I mean, back in the 80s, there were the people that were the most important to me other than my family.
For those of you who don't know, I attended a very small Catholic K-8 grade school in Toledo. As a result, I was in the same class with a group of roughly 20-25 kids for eight years. Add to that participating in sports sponsored by the school and you're talking about 8 or 9 hours a day of spending time with this same group of people.
And then it ends. Rather abruptly for some of us. I went on to high school and saw very little of my old grade school friends. Met some new people. Found new activities to do outside of school. It's life, right?
And then Facebook came into being and started allowing people who didn't have emails with college domains to create pages. All of a sudden, I'm in contact with men and women who I haven't seen or heard from in 20 years. Thank God for technology, eh?
But what I found rather striking tonight is that some things really never change. Those of you who have known me since childhood likely know that I was an exceptional student in grade school. So much so that my parents had me tested and I skipped first grade. And for the rest of my grade school experience, in addition to whatever else I became known for, I was ALWAYS known as "the smart kid." In a school of 200 kids, EVERYONE knows the little twerp who skipped first grade, you know?
Flash forward 20+ years later. I'm still "the smart one." And for reasons I don't quite fully understand myself...it bothers me. Because I don't always feel that smart. Having gone off to the University of Michigan out of high school, I found a whole community of people who seemed more intelligent that I. I don't deny having an innate intelligence. But I've met people in my life who make me feel like an intellectual dwarf.
There's a part of me that wishes that I could be described using a positive OTHER than my intelligence. This is something I've struggled with for years. And here's the weird thing...why? What is wrong with people appreciating the talents I was born with? Why does it bother me, even just a little?
Just got home a little while ago from a night hanging out with old grade school classmates. A great time was had by all (at least, I hope so!). It's always nice to see people that you've been separated from by time and distance. I mean, back in the 80s, there were the people that were the most important to me other than my family.
For those of you who don't know, I attended a very small Catholic K-8 grade school in Toledo. As a result, I was in the same class with a group of roughly 20-25 kids for eight years. Add to that participating in sports sponsored by the school and you're talking about 8 or 9 hours a day of spending time with this same group of people.
And then it ends. Rather abruptly for some of us. I went on to high school and saw very little of my old grade school friends. Met some new people. Found new activities to do outside of school. It's life, right?
And then Facebook came into being and started allowing people who didn't have emails with college domains to create pages. All of a sudden, I'm in contact with men and women who I haven't seen or heard from in 20 years. Thank God for technology, eh?
But what I found rather striking tonight is that some things really never change. Those of you who have known me since childhood likely know that I was an exceptional student in grade school. So much so that my parents had me tested and I skipped first grade. And for the rest of my grade school experience, in addition to whatever else I became known for, I was ALWAYS known as "the smart kid." In a school of 200 kids, EVERYONE knows the little twerp who skipped first grade, you know?
Flash forward 20+ years later. I'm still "the smart one." And for reasons I don't quite fully understand myself...it bothers me. Because I don't always feel that smart. Having gone off to the University of Michigan out of high school, I found a whole community of people who seemed more intelligent that I. I don't deny having an innate intelligence. But I've met people in my life who make me feel like an intellectual dwarf.
There's a part of me that wishes that I could be described using a positive OTHER than my intelligence. This is something I've struggled with for years. And here's the weird thing...why? What is wrong with people appreciating the talents I was born with? Why does it bother me, even just a little?
Saturday, August 1, 2009
I'm home...
...and EXHAUSTED. But it's a good kind of tired.
On the last leg of my drive from Dublin to Dundee, I was thinking about how good this summer has been for me. Mainly because this is the summer when I stopped making excuses and just DID stuff.
I mean, I've been talking and thinking about starting an exercise program. And this year, I finally did it. I've been talking and thinking about driving out west and seeing places I've never seen before. Finally got up the nerve to just do it. And that experience is remarkably empowering. I've fulfilled some true dreams of mine and had the reward of fantastic experiences.
It just makes me realize how much I hold myself back in life. And I think that's true of most people. We all come up with all sorts of very reasonable explanations for why we can't or shouldn't do the things we'd really like to. Sometimes, though...you just have to go for it.
On the last leg of my drive from Dublin to Dundee, I was thinking about how good this summer has been for me. Mainly because this is the summer when I stopped making excuses and just DID stuff.
I mean, I've been talking and thinking about starting an exercise program. And this year, I finally did it. I've been talking and thinking about driving out west and seeing places I've never seen before. Finally got up the nerve to just do it. And that experience is remarkably empowering. I've fulfilled some true dreams of mine and had the reward of fantastic experiences.
It just makes me realize how much I hold myself back in life. And I think that's true of most people. We all come up with all sorts of very reasonable explanations for why we can't or shouldn't do the things we'd really like to. Sometimes, though...you just have to go for it.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Musings
So, many of you who know me know I've been on a roadtrip through much of the northern central part of this country. And, as a result, I've had some interesting experiences as well as some thoughts that have occurred to me.
- I failed to get a picture of this because I just wasn't ready for it, but I can describe it. My sister and I were at Mount Rushmore and we overheard a group of women (who appeared to be from one family) talking. One of them says, "I'm so embarrassed for him." To which a younger one (probably her daughter) replies, "Hey! He's doing it for a whole buck." Suffice it to say that this exchange piqued my interest, so I'm looking around to see somebody doing something stupid. Next thing I know, I hear "Mary had a little lamb" being sung at very high volume and decidedly off-key. The girl had dared her little brother to go over to a short wall in front of the monument and do this. There were easily 200+ people around, just giggling at how brash he was. REALLY funny.
- I'm so glad I've gone on this trip. I've often said over the years that I'd like the chance to go to the UP or out west to places where there's just so much open country, relatively untouched by humans. And I was right: I really have enjoyed that chance. Seeing such wide expanses of rolling grassy hills in South Dakota was so AMAZING for someone who grew up in a city and has always lived within an hour of that city. It's an entirely new experience for me and it really makes me want to visit Ireland. My sister and mom went several years ago and my sister has assured me during this trip that, while the landscapes in South Dakota HAVE been very interesting, they're nothing compared to Ireland in the summer. And, for the first time, I really have a true yearning to see it.
- I'm becoming much more adventureous in life. And I really like it. For years, I've allowed my weight to be an excuse for not getting out there and experiencing things. It's part of the reason I didn't really even try to get tickets to Super Bowl XL, despite the fact that 1) it was held in Detroit, not more than an hour away from home and 2) my favorite team was playing in it (and ended up winning it). I just assumed that I would be too uncomfortable in the seat and didn't even really consider it. And that's a mistake. I missed out on a once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience. That's why I'm really happy I found the motivation to be serious about losing weight: there's so much I've been missing.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Update
So, now that I've gotten the prerequisite musing on blogging out of the way, here are some things that have gone on since last I wrote here:
- The most important item: my mother finally passed on December 6, 2008 after a 2 1/2 year battle with cancer. By the time her life ended, my mother was ready to go. And, as a result, I too was hoping for it to end for her. All of us who loved her wished for her pain to end, and it did...peacefully. I was there with her when she went, along with my dad and one of the absolutely wonderful hospice workers that tended to her in her final days. It's been a rough several months in terms of coping with my own grief as well as supporting my dad, sister, and other relatives through their own sorrows. But, the experience reminds me of the true value of family. My aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. are phenomenal and have been a true source of strength for me (as well as my dad and sister, I'm certain) over this period of time.
- I've finally gotten truly serious about making efforts to lose weight. This goes in line with what I wrote in the previous entry about recognizing the need for change as well as developing the desire for it. I've always known I had a desperate need to lose weight. No fat person DOESN'T know this. However, it has always been a true challenge for me to truly desire it. To desire it enough to fight through the pains involved in the process. I can't point to any one thing that occurred in my life that finally got me there. But I AM there. This summer, I got a membership at the local YMCA and, despite a few roadblocks, finally got myself into a workout routine over the last week or so. And I'm really enjoying it so far. I've been a bit sore, using muscles in ways that I haven't used them in some time. And I've wanted to take a nap at least a couple times this week. But it's a GOOD thing. It means I'm using more energy than I was before. Using more energy means keeping less of it on my frame. My intention is to be able to do some aerobic exercise in the pool at the Y before work once the school year begins and then to hopefully get some help in learning how to do some muscle building.
- Tomorrow I'm leaving on a week-long road trip. It was an idea that just kind of hit me in May or June and I've just decided to do it. I've got the time and I don't have anything to tie me down (being single and childless can be nice SOMETIMES). So off I go tomorrow to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I'm planning on stopping in Escanaba for the night. Then over to Minneapolis to spend a couple days and pick up my sister who will be joining me for the rest of the trip. We'll then head out to western South Dakota to see Mount Rushmore and then back east to St. Louis by way of Omaha and Kansas City. From St. Louis, we head for the Columbus area to see old friends and some family and to attend the annual Dublin Irish Festival. From there I return home to prepare for...
- ...a colonoscopy. FUN. I've been trying to get this down for a year and a half now. Last year I just couldn't stomach the prep and wasn't able to get it done. Then with Mom's illness, I didn't want to take the time off to do it. This summer, prompted by a visit to the doctor where I discovered that I'm a bit anemic, I got a colonoscopy scheduled to try to help determine the cause of the anemia. Suffice it to say that I'm a bit nervous about the results, but it's a good thing. With Mom's colon cancer, colonoscopies are going to be a part of my life for as long as I live.
- Sometimes in mid to late August, I'm hoping to join my cousin who drives a truck for a living. He's offered to take me as a passenger and I'm looking forward to seeing some of the country that he drives through. He's provided some fantastic images through Facebook of the places he's seen and they're amazing.
Realities I can't escape...
I am truly an optimist. I believe that human beings are capable of many many things. Foremost among these things is the ability to learn, particularly from one's mistakes.
That said, I've come to the realization that I never have had, do not now possess, nor am I ever likely to develop a personality that will create in me a true blogger.
During my lifetime, I have made many attempts at written reflection. I've begun handwritten diaries. I've begun Microsoft Word documents that also acted as diaries. I've begun this blog.
In all cases, I made an honest effort to pour my thoughts out into textual form. The idea being to have something I can reflect on in later moments and possibly be able to grow from said reflection.
However, in every case, my enthusiasm for the task wanes fairly quickly. I don't know if it's a result of growing bored with the idea or if I just don't feel as though I have thoughts worthy of chronicling that day.
Now, as I mentioned earlier, I believe fervently in the human capacity for learning and changing. But I've also realized over the years that change only occurs after two things happen: recognition of the need for change and development of the desire for that same change.
So, I re-begin my blogging in the hopes that I will persist.
That said, I've come to the realization that I never have had, do not now possess, nor am I ever likely to develop a personality that will create in me a true blogger.
During my lifetime, I have made many attempts at written reflection. I've begun handwritten diaries. I've begun Microsoft Word documents that also acted as diaries. I've begun this blog.
In all cases, I made an honest effort to pour my thoughts out into textual form. The idea being to have something I can reflect on in later moments and possibly be able to grow from said reflection.
However, in every case, my enthusiasm for the task wanes fairly quickly. I don't know if it's a result of growing bored with the idea or if I just don't feel as though I have thoughts worthy of chronicling that day.
Now, as I mentioned earlier, I believe fervently in the human capacity for learning and changing. But I've also realized over the years that change only occurs after two things happen: recognition of the need for change and development of the desire for that same change.
So, I re-begin my blogging in the hopes that I will persist.
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